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This video is about men that pull away and the high value way to deal with it. There you are, single and ready to mingle. Ready to meet a great guy, you’ve also learned from past mistakes and break-ups and heartache and you feel confident, you’re ready for love without getting hurt this time. That obviously sounds like the best strategy. You meet a great guy, he asks you out on a first date. No problem. That doesn’t hurt. At the end of the date he kisses you. Great, still no problem. That doesn’t hurt.
Now this goes on for a while, he keeps asking you out, he sends flirty messages, he’s responsive. All great, and then, one Thursday, about an hour before a date, he cancels the date because he has to leave for an unexpected “business trip” and asks for a rain check. A bit less great but no problem,…it doesn’t hurt… does it…because this may start to hurt as much as giving a huge cactus a hug. It will sting a bit. Especially when, when he’s back home for over a week, he still hasn’t asked you out on a new date. Hah, and people say dating is fun…
But still no problem, there are a ton of things you can do. Some women then think: yeah whatever, I don’t need this, men and their games. Back to single and not ready to mingle. Other women think: well, I know why he’s pulling back, it’s because I was needy or I made this or that mistake, now I want to prove to him I’m not needy, I just have to see him to prove it, I have to get him to ask me out again… thus increasing the chance they will be very needy again. That’s like trying to extinguish a fire by spraying jet fuel on it instead of water, not a good idea. And another group of women just thinks: I just need to fix this, I want to have control over this. Can you see which of these women are probably going to make it much worse if they do these things?
Well, all of them. None of this will be helping their love life. So let’s talk about it. I’m an author, my name is Geert, I also go by the pen name Brian Nox and first, there’s something interesting that happens as soon as you start building a connection with a man. You may already have noticed it. It’s called entitlement. And don’t worry, men have this too, it’s only human. As soon as the connection is there, your mind expects more of it. Without hiccups or obstacles, without ups and downs. I mean, when he’s into you, he should be into you every day at exactly the same or a stronger intensity, right? When you’re important enough to go out on a date with, to kiss, to be told how beautiful and smart you are, you should be his priority at all times right?
Of course not, but the mind often thinks that way. “What, why are you talking to someone else, who’s that…”, “what, I sent you a message you haven’t replied to yet, but you did post a comment beneath that random picture posted on Instagram by that random person that is not me… what…” That’s how the entitled brain thinks and most people have one, again, men as well. Some people are just better at SSST (shushing it) than others. So the hard truth, if you ever think that you can start dating or have a relationship while avoiding all of this mess, while definitely not getting hurt, with a man that will never pull away, I’m sorry to bring you the news, but that won’t be possible. So it’s a good idea to learn how to deal with it and that’s what this video is for.
I’ll jump right in: the first trick is to expect for this to happen. It will happen. He will do things that make it look like he’s pulling away OR he will actually be pulling away. If you expect it, it won’t come as a surprise. You, by the way, will be doing the same things to him. Your interest level will go up and down as well, the attention you can give him will depend on how many other things you have going on at times and he will have to deal with that without becoming insecure. It’s normal.
The second trick, is to try to detach from a certain outcome. I say this often because I believe this to be very true, but when it comes to relationships, the more we want a certain outcome, the more we want a person to feel or think a certain way about us, the less it will happen. The more we run after someone, the more we push them away, the more we try to be liked and respected, the more we will be disliked and walked all over. It makes us uptight, insecure and needy. So detaching is important. In relationships this means: I’ll see where this goes. If you’re the right person for me, this will go well and even though it sometimes feels like you’re pulling away, you’re not if you’re the right person for me.
When you’re starting a relationship with a man, it’s important to trust the process. As I say often, if it’s the right man for you, he’s not going anywhere. You will have ups and downs, but the both of you will, as a team, deal with the obstacles.
But what if he’s really pulling away and it’s not just your imagination? Well then you may be dealing with a man that doesn’t know what he wants. Or at the very least he’s doubting whether he wants to be with you specifically. Those men should be left alone so they can make up their mind, while you move on and continue your life without him. Men that cannot make up their mind are not worth your love. You detach. But there’s something interesting:
If he’s pulling away, try to be really honest and figure out whether he has been investing in this relationship. First, discard his words and flirty messages and look at his actions. Do they show interest? Do they show a stable, emotionally mature man that is interested in you…for the right long-term reasons? Then, discard his flirty actions and look at his words: is he saying things like: I’m not looking for a relationship or I just came out of a difficult marriage or I am still married (sadly not kidding here) or I love living in my mom’s basement (still not kidding), then he’s doing you a favor by pulling away.
Always remember: a great man may pull away occasionally because he has an actual business trip or something that occupies his mind a lot, but through all of that he will keep giving you the signal that he wants a future with you and both his words AND actions will prove that. So, let’s say he’s actually pulling away, you haven’t been on a date for more than 2 weeks, you’ve done your checklist and he seems like a good guy, so then you send him a simple message: I’d like to see you again.
Telling a man what you want is never needy and it’s much better than not telling him what you want. It’s how you tell something that may be needy. For example: “so, you’ve been home for over a week. Don’t you owe me a date? Why haven’t you asked me out yet?” That’s needy. “I want to see you again” or “let’s go out on a date” is not needy. It’s just a statement. But now it’s up to him to take action, or not. Interested men will take action. Even when they are busy. Why? They don’t want to risk losing you.
An interested man will never read a message like “I want to see you again” from a woman he likes and think: “oh cool, great, well, I really want to see her too but I have so much on my plate, I still have to alphabetically organize my fridge and then teach my cat how to play chess with me so pfff.. now’s not a good time”. If you let a man know, at any time, that you’re interested in him, the next move should come from him. If it doesn’t, he’s just not into you.
So to recap, when a man pulls away, understand that this is normal. If it’s real, figure out if you should keep trying or not, whether he’s worth your investment. If he is, reach out. Don’t shield your heart, don’t try to not get hurt, relationships hurt at times it’s unavoidable. Give him the chance to see you. If he doesn’t take that chance and doesn’t plan another date with you, at least he will have proven without a shadow of a doubt that he’s not the right man for you. Knowing that hurts but knowing that sooner than later is always good news.