What to do after a breakup (avoid this mistake)
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In this video I’ll explain the biggest mistake almost every woman makes after a breakup. The ONE big mistake. And I wonder if you’ll be able to guess what it is. So let’s get started.
You are important. You’re attractive, intelligent, fun to be around…so when a man breaks up with you or starts to lose interest, he will make you feel unimportant. That’s ludicrous. It’s a mistake.
So, as soon as there’s a breakup, a ton of women start to come up with a plan to get him back or to feel great again. Sounds great. There’s just one problem. If you look around you, you’ll notice that these women push him away further, OR never get the closure they are looking for. They can’t move on and they’re stuck. Sometimes for years. That’s a big waste of time.
But it’s not their fault! The mother of all mind games is running at that moment. These women are in pain because of the breakup. Our mind does not like pain, that’s why you will probably never cuddle a bumblebee twice, so their mind thinks: okay, clearly, the only way to take this pain away is:
- To get back together RIGHT NOW so all is well again and everything returns to normal
- To find another guy…like RIGHT NOW, so all is well again and possibly gets better than before
- If 1 and 2 are not possible, then I’ll need a bucket of ice cream, some wine or other alcoholic beverages, a blanket, tissues and my TV, RIGHT NOW. That will fix everything.
Um… all three options obviously lead to a downward spiral resulting in nothing but more unhappiness, a guy that runs away even more and eroding levels of self-confidence. That’s why they get stuck. The old guy is not interested and nothing happens with the new men they meet because the new guys always seem inferior to the ex… that’s another mind game.
So picture this: a guy breaks up with you. But don’t worry, after a while he comes to his senses.
That’s good news. Because for a couple of weeks every time your phone vibrated you probably ran to your phone hoping it was a message from him.
It never was.
Every day, many objects and locations served you bittersweet memories of when you were still enjoying his love and company. That’s the pain your mind does not like.
So your mind builds this fantasy of him reaching out to you with a call or a message or an unannounced visit where he says: “I miss you. I’m sorry, for everything, I was a fool. I want to be with you and only you.” And he seems to mean it this time.
Before you know it, you’re in his arms again. And it’s a tight grip, as if he’ll never let you go again because he missed you so much. Candles in the background, some soft music, your head against his chest where you can feel his heartbeat and sense how excited he is to BE with you again. He seems as excited as the first time you two kissed. And then he whispers:
“I’m sorry, I love you, I hope you can forgive me. I thought long about the future and I want to share it with you and no one else”.
And then he starts to share his feelings and what he felt like during the break up and it turns out he was devastated as well. And now he’s certain, he wants a future with you and only you.
Great! Question is, do you really think any of this will happen if you would chase after him and in a sense persuade him to come back to you?
Or maybe you try to make him jealous or give him the silent treatment to show how angry you are or how well you are moving on.
Or what about the other options.
Do you really think life would get better if you would find another guy rapidly to move on OR if you would open the fridge and start the all you can eat ice cream buffet. You know, the things the mind games may want you to do after a breakup.
Of course not! That’s why I say it’s not your fault. The system is rigged against you.
So you cannot follow your instincts.
First the good news. The fantasy I just described is possible. It happens. But you have to follow a plan and not your instincts.
Look. Here’s what increases your chances of actually experiencing that fantasy. When he fell in love with you the first time, he thought you were attractive, smart, intelligent and other positive things. For some reason that image of you has changed.
So we know he’s now wrong about you. But we can’t convince him with words that he’s wrong, because Attraction is not a choice. You can’t reason or talk someone into being attracted. We’ll need to show him.
Great! Some women say. Yeah, I’ll show him. And they start posting pictures and videos online trying to prove how great life is without him, how well they are moving on, maybe they try to make him jealous
or they think they are smart and say: “I’ll follow the no-contact rule. I read that somewhere. What was it, 21 days? All right, I’ll start counting down those days then”.
All of this will fail. I’ve seen it happen all too often and you have seen it too.
Can you see why that is? Why this fails?
The women that use these strategies are still obsessing about HIM.
He’s not the person you should obsess about now. Don’t obsess about him, obsess about YOU!
He’s never going to run back to a woman who’s a low value version of herself.
With low self respect and self love. She’s proving to him that breaking up was without a shadow of a doubt the right thing to do.
Plus, she will not feel great.
Let’s say that miracles are possible — they aren’t – but suppose they are and she is in his arms again as a low value version of herself because she obsessed about him and chased after him.
Do you think she will be enjoying that moment? Of course not.
And how long before he will hand her the “doormat” nametag again?
36 to 48 hours. That’s all it will take. So that cannot be the plan, right?
That’s why a lot of the things we do during the emergency reboot course are about you and not about him.
Because, and this is not really a secret, if you become the high-value, confident, happy, energetic and attractive version of yourself again, THAT’s when he may realize he has made a mistake and THAT’s when he may run back to you.
ONLY then! It’s a requirement.
We don’t make it about him, we make it about you.
This is how you win. Either way.
First, he may not be the right guy for you and then all of this makes it easy to move on. To start meeting new men without your mind continuously holding on to your ex. Because that would make it impossible to move on.
I have a lot of strategies for this in the course as well (the closure and moving on part).
But if he comes running back to you, THIS is the way to make sure you will be in control. He won’t be able to play games with you or your heart because you won’t let him. This time the relationship will be different. And as he gets back in touch with you, he will feel that mental challenge that you will represent. And it’s not because you play games. It will be real. He’s finally and perhaps for the first time meeting the REAL you.
This is the moment where he can then decide: “I was wrong about her, she IS important to me, she gives me positive feelings that no other woman ever gave me”.
And you have not tried to explain it to him, you did it without trying to make him jealous, it was not about him. It was about you.
I don’t know if you’re going through a breakup right now but if you ever are, then I hope you will think about this video.
And if you want more, the emergency reboot course may be an awesome course to follow. It’s a transformational course. The women who follow the tips and strategies I give in that course become better than who they were before the breakup, so that a breakup can actually be a good thing. I’ll put more information underneath this video if you’re interested.
Thank you for watching this video, I appreciate it.