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There’s one important rule in ANY type of relationship and especially in romantic relationships: he who needs the other one the most, is always in the weakest position.
And we can communicate that weak or strong position in a ton of different ways.
In this video in particular, I’ll dive into how to let a man know you like him, in a non-needy way. So if you are dating a guy, or in the early stages of a relationship with a guy, or if you want to flirt with a guy, then this will be an important video.
If you’ve read any of my books about relationships or listened to any of my podcasts on the website then you know that neediness kills attraction like torrential rain would kill the sensitive flame of a sweet tiny little candle.
We cannot keep being attracted to a needy person. It’s just not possible. It kills the butterflies of love.
As humans we are drawn and attracted to character traits like self-confidence, humor, sassiness, whit and all of these are signs of strength, not of weakness or neediness.
When they want to attract someone they have feelings for, a lot of people follow a very funny formula. It’s their: “how to flirt” formula or the “how to get someone to fall in love with me” formula.
And it goes like this:
“I tell you I like you and then you will like me back”…right?
in other words. If I tell you I think you are attractive, you will be attracted to me. If I tell you I’m falling for you, you will far for me.
Well, it’s a very effective formula for having tumbleweeds blowing through your love life. In other words, for not having one.
MEN use this bad love-formula by giving compliments:
“I really like your eyes”, while he may of course be staring at your breasts at the same time.
Or he may say: “You’re really beautiful”, while STILL staring at your breasts.
Now mind you, men are not the only champions in misusing this love-formula!
Women suffer less from that staring-part, but they may say:
“I’ve been thinking a lot about you”
or “I’ve been thinking a lot about our last date”
or “I think you’re very attractive”
And then they wonder why this doesn’t work. It’s because of when and why it is used.
There is a right time to use this formula, but it’s never in the beginning of a relationship let alone when you haven’t even begun dating each other. So we are not going to use it, given that it’s a sign of weakness when it’s used early on.
Now when women use any of those sentences, they mean well, they want to make him feel special. But that’s exactly the reason why it backfires!
He won’t feel special. If you use any of these sentences early on, so before you went on a date with him or when you’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks, then he didn’t have to earn it and consequently he will believe you say this to a lot of guys. If it seems easy to get, it has no value.
That, or he will think the woman who uses this is needy; that she’s trying to GET something from him by telling him he’s attractive. And that’s even worse. Some men run for the hills for a whole lot less you know: little spiders… an angry looking pigeon. It’s a scary world out there for some men.
There’s another and better way to make him feel special, there’s a much better way to flirt with a guy, to make him fall in love with you.
You can make him feel special by letting him EARN your attention. Don’t make it too easy.
Do you remember how it was done in the actual time of princes and princesses? A lady would be walking around and she would totally NOT accidentally DROP something while walking past someone she liked.
He then, especially if he was interested, he would pick it up and run behind her: “mylady, mylady, you dropped something”
“oh, did I?” 😉
See what happens here? He’s putting in an effort from the very beginning. If you want your guy to treat you like a Queen, you have to act like one FROM the start.
Now THIS, making him earn it, IS the way she proves that she likes him. Had she directly started a conversation with him, it wouldn’t have had the same effect on his feelings. This here gave him feelings.
And make no mistake, attraction and the butterflies are all about feelings, the good ones.
And that’s exactly why the bad “how to flirt formula” I gave you earlier is used so often. The women that use it want to give him great feelings, but they are trying too hard.
Now this video here is not about flirting, I discuss that elsewhere, but my point is that you can show him that you like him without being needy and while still being FEMININE.
Men are supposed to do the actual chasing. And you are of course free to think: “Well these are not the fifties, women can do the chasing just as well”. Sure, of course they can, but it goes against the natural laws of attraction.
So instead of using the bad “how to make him fall in love” formula, there’s a better way to show him you like him and that’s by what I call “dropping hints of challenge”.
Hints of challenge. Not hints of neediness or hints of weak behavior.
Great men love a challenge.
Here are some examples:
Say you’re in a conversation with a guy, in real life or online, and you respond to something he said, and you say: “well that’s not a good idea, I wouldn’t want you to get a crush on me”.
I wouldn’t want you to get a crush on me.
And you say this with a smile, or you add a smiley face behind it.
This has now moved the conversation into new territory, to another level, but you are not on your knees, you’re not weak, you have just created a challenge. Every prince likes a challenge.
It’s still a bit of a mystery. He’s not sure THAT you like him, WHETHER you like him, or how much. And that’s the goal. He’s not TOTALLY sure. But now all of a sudden, there MAY be something. That’s the only thing that’s now clear to him.
Now this pushes him off balance in a fun way, and that’s what you always want to do.
Now if you really cannot help it and you want to give him an actual compliment, do it indirectly. Do it in a feminine way.
Let’s say you’re talking to a guy and it’s clear that he’s the type that works out, a lot. So instead of saying: “I see you work out. That’s really sexy”, you say:
“I like that jacket you are wearing, that’s the type of jacket that can make a guy sexy if he works out”
Can you see what this sentence does? Now his mind goes: “wait what? So what’s she saying? Am I now sexy, or is she implying OTHER guys are sexy but I’m not? What? I’m sure she would ONLY say this if I’m sexy? Right? Hmmm…”
And as steam may or may not be coming out of his ears because of all that thinking, he’s getting feelings, he’s going to feel a desire to prove to you he does have sexy muscles, he’s going to want to find out what you meant EXACTLY…and he will still be thinking about this very conversation while he’s at home, away from you… but still thinking about you.
Can you sense how much more powerful this is than saying: you look great and sexy
You look great and sexy is what you say to the guy you’ve been with for 2 years, not for 2 dates. It’s too much too soon.
THIS is how you show you like him in a sassy, strong and self confident way that WILL, if he likes you too, make him go after you, ask you out, get to know you better, and eventually make you breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice or at least a cup of coffee with your name spelled correctly on the cup.
Great men are all about challenges.
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