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When a man says “I need some time”, you can hand him a watch. When he says “I’m not ready for a serious relationship”, you should believe him. When he says “I’m not sure”, instead of being uncertain about where this is going, this should give you absolute certainty that it’s not going anywhere. You always deserve better than to be in a relationship with a confused or immature guy.
And you KNOW this… until it happens to you. Until you have feelings for someone. That’s when we’re blind and when we may decide to hang on to someone. The question is: “what is the right thing to do? How should you respond? Because you may be afraid to burn any bridges. Should you wait this out and give it a bit more time?” Well, as we’ll see, when a man says any of these, it’s actually GOOD news.
I’m an author, I write books about relationships, dating and other topics. My pen name is Brian Nox because my real name is Geert, try to say that in English… and I want to start by making an important distinction.
A man will only say “I need some time” or “I’m not ready for a relationship”, when you want something that he can’t give. You have now pushed him to the point where he can no longer deny or hide it. So when he says that, it’s good news! You finally got to see his cards. In all honesty, he probably already showed them sooner through his actions, but your mind may have chosen to ignore those red flags, but this here, this is it. This can end the confusion. He disqualified himself.
Bad men can say “I need time”, when they’re too chicken to be upfront and say: “leave me alone, I don’t want to see you anymore, I’d rather get a manicure and a pedicure every week than to have a relationship” or “I plan to use you for a couple of months until I find someone better, is that alright with you?”…. NORMAL men can for example use the sentence when they are afraid to commit. When they just got out of a bad relationship, when they have too many things going on at work, or whatever.
Either way, the right and the ONLY reaction is always to end it. Here’s why. If you don’t, if you stick around after a sentence like this, you’ve just handed over all the power to him.
He now has full control, which is ALWAYS a bad idea.
And ending it doesn’t burn any bridges…. there is no bridge. There is no possible way a man will ever get MORE feelings for a woman who says: “alright…..hey….. take all the time you need…. I want you to be happy….. I’ll just be over here….. waiting…. you know… for whenever you’re ready. Just let me know. No pressure. I have all the time in the world.”
It’s ALSO a bad idea to say: “well I just want you to make up your mind. What is it going to be?” At first sight it may seem like you’re in control here because you’re telling him to decide. But you’re still communicating that you’re fine being with someone who arrived at this point. You deserve someone who doesn’t EVER doubt your awesomeness.
I want to repeat that: If you don’t leave after a sentence that proves he’s profoundly confused about where this is going, it will go nowhere slow….
Instead, make it go nowhere fast! Pull the plug. This guy has just disqualified himself.
Honestly, this will not be easy. If you have a lot of feelings for him, if you’re attracted to him, if you had plans, your mind may come up with excuses like: “yeah but I LIKE him, so maybe I just need to wait this out”, “he comes out of a tough relationship, maybe I need to prove that I’m different than other women”, “maybe he’s just afraid to commit” blablabla.
Let’s start with that last one. The right guy for you, when he has had a couple of dates with you and when he has fallen for you, and definitely when he’s already in something that looks like a relationship with you, that guy would swim past a couple of hungry sharks in the middle of a perfect storm…. just to be with you. Love makes us do stupid things like THIS we may regret, but we still do them. A guy who’s afraid to commit will not let that stop him. Interest level cuts through EVERYTHING.
But still, how can you respond?
Respond with relief and remain in control. An example is: “I’m glad you said that, because I could feel that something was up and now at least I know what it is. Okay, well I think this is a great moment to end things then. I hope you’ll find someone who can make you happy. I’m glad I’ve met you. Goodbye.”
This is powerful. You remain in control of the destiny of your love life, and you’re closing the chapter. What you’re communicating is: I don’t want to be with a guy who needs time.
And if there still would be a bridge, if you misread him, if this guy secretly had a poster of you hanging above his bed and wrote in his diary about how he dreams of proposing to you… even though you have a higher chance of meeting the French speaking rabbit I always refer to than this happening, if this was the case, then you’ll see him fight for you like he never fought in his entire life. You still did the right thing then.
You should be intolerant to ambivalence early on in a relationship. The first couple of months of a relationship are supposed to be easy. That’s supposed to be the honeymoon period. If it’s already hard then, then that’s a bad omen… that’s why it’s the right call.
If you look at the reasons why people who’ve only been together for less than a decade break up, those reasons were often already visible in the first couple of months. So as soon as we know that someone is disqualified to be our lover, it’s time to get off the train. That train is going into the wrong direction.
Now if you want help with this, I have some additional podcasts on Briannox.com that you will receive when you’re on my mailing list. So if you need more tips about this topic, go to Briannox.com and make sure to fill in your email address.
And if you’d like to read any of my books, they are on Amazon, you can just type in my pen name Brian Nox in the search bar.
Thank you for watching this video. I’ll see you next time!