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In todays video I’ll talk about a concept that is closely related to my book and you’ll see why a man will deeply miss a woman.

There’s one major counter intuitive ingredient:

Take control of the pace in the relationship.

He has to believe he’s in the lead, that he’s the man (by asking you out… by asking him to marry you later on), but in all honesty, the woman should lead where the relationship is going.

What I want to focus on here, shortly, is that you will need to pace him, especially when he’s all over you. Especially then!

Some men burn themselves out quickly because the woman they’re with didn’t pace them.

I’ve coached women who met a great guy, the first prince they finally met after all of the frogs they had dated before, and halelujah, he’s into them. He asks them out, he buys them flowers, and lo and behold, a couple of months down the road he even asks them to marry them! True stories!

Would you say that guy is interested?

It seems so.

But the problem these women faced is that, as they were preparing for the wedding, these ‘princes’ bailed, called off the wedding and ran for the hills.

What happened?

These men burned themselves out. They gave everything they had so quickly that there was nothing left.

But more importantly, they got overwhelmed!

And they are the ones who brought it upon themselves.


But when a woman tells this type of guy: “wow wow, we should take it slow, let’s see where this goes first” these guys do not burn out and stay in love for as long as the woman wants.

What happens when you pace the relationship is that you create the necessary space for him to miss you.

It’s not the first time that I compare grown up men to 4 year old boys, but what does a 4 year old boy do when he’s at the playgrounds with mommy?

“no no mommy, you can stay there, I can get up top on my own and slide down, on my own!”

And as a proud little man he does just that.



And he feels like a man.

But then the third time there’s a wasp that stings him, or another boy that yelled a nasty word at him…

And what does our little man do?

He comes running back to mommy, his safe haven.

Men, regardless of their age, need time to go out and do their thing in the world,


That’s one of the moments where they can feel like a man.

But these are also the moments where he’ll have experiences that make him miss you and want to be with you.

You cannot be available right away then.

Mommy is not IN the slide with our little boy. He has to run back to her. He has to DECIDE he needs her, that’s she’s important.

This is important. Those are the moments where our little boy decides how important mommy is to him.

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And these are the moments where grown up men will decide how important YOU are to them.

If he doesn’t do it on his own, force a man to withdraw every now and then by giving him his alone time.

“I’m going away with my girlfriends the entire weekend, have fun!”

“oh you want to go out on a date? Well I can’t this Tuesday, but what about next Thursday?”

“oh you want to get married, well, I can’t this year, but what about next year?”

Allow him enough space and if he doesn’t ask for it on his own, create it for him.

He needs it and this allows him to miss you and come back to you over and over again.

This may sound very strange because most women are totally different, but to men, this is vital.

You, as the woman, need to control the pace.

Let me give you another example.

You have a great night with a guy. You stayed home together, watched a movie under a blanket, there was some wine, there were long talks, there was some cuddling and so on and the next morning the both of you wake up, in bed, and you’re still radiating.

Now. It would be easy to say: “let’s do this again tonight” or next Friday.


Because you obviously connect and there’s tons of chemistry.

But it’s a mistake.

If you make yourself unavailable the next night, it doesn’t matter whether he’s watching TV all alone, with just his glass of wine, or whether he’s sitting in a private jet flying to vegas with his best friends to have the night of his life, he will be missing you deeply.

His mind will continuously remind him of the great night he has had before and he will miss you a lot.

He would however not have had this emotion if you sat next to him that next night.

As the woman, you need to create sufficient space for him to miss you. And that’s hard, because your mind and body will want to spend as much time with him as possible. You can thank your hormones like oxytocin for that.

But it’s a mistake. Please don’t make it.

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