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The world would be a better place if we could just meet someone we like, say: “I like you”, that person goes: “I do too” or “I don’t”, when it’s I do, the I do’s continue and never-ending happiness starts right away. Awesome. What would it be like if a guy texts you and there’s no ambivalence in his words or messages, there are no doubts in your relationship, you know where you stand, you know where this is going, there’s no uncertainty. Well, there are just two problems with it. The first: if it really were this easy we may not value it. Being in love needs some uncertainty, some challenge in the beginning. It’s a part of what creates cupid’s spark. Second problem: this just doesn’t happen often. It’s the exception, not the rule. Most relationships are not one smooth ride. If they were, most of the famous pop singers would have little to sing about. However, what is not okay is for you to be a detective and dissecting his signals and messages with a “so, does he like me. What’s the hidden meaning behind his words?” magnifying glass. Let’s deal with mixed signals and the reasons why men send them in this video.
I’m an author, my unpronounceable name is Geert, so I also use a pen name Brian Nox and I write about dating and relationships and dealing with difficult emotions. First: Let’s be clear. There is NO such thing as a mixed signal in a relationship or while you’re dating a man. He either wants you, or he does not. There’s no gray zone here, only yes or no. If it’s not a yes, it’s a no. If a guy truly likes you, you will know. There’s nothing to dissect, nothing to call your girlfriends about or lie awake about. No good guy in his right mind that likes you will EVER string you along and risk losing you because of his mixed signals and by making your love life complicated. If you’re getting mixed signals, he’s just not that into you. Remember that. But I’m here to give you the reasons why he may send those mixed signals. So why would a man send mixed signals? Here are 4 reasons.
Number 3 will be a super weird one and that reason will unveil the most dangerous type of man that will be sending you mixed signals, but let’s start with 1. He’s just not interested enough but he is afraid to hurt your feelings… Wait, correction, he’s afraid of the feelings of guilt HE will feel when he hurts your feelings. Women are the same by the way. Both sexes use great phrases like: “it’s not you, it’s me” meaning it IS YOU, I would rather continue to say a lonely hello to the pigeon on my balcony every morning than to you”. Or “one day, you will make a man/woman very happy, he/she will be very lucky to have you”… meaning, “bebye see you never!” But there is more.
Number 2. He likes you, but he doesn’t want you to fall for him. He wants to be friends with benefits, so he’s afraid that if he lets you too close, you will fall for him and then he will have to feel guilty again when he breaks up with you. AND/OR he’s afraid HE will fall for you if he comes too close, because either way he knows he’s not looking for a real relationship at that time. Maybe he just got out of a tough relationship with a painful breakup, maybe he knows he’s about to move to another state because he’s trying to get a job there. He doesn’t want to complicate his life. So what he does instead, is he complicates his life by sending you mixed signals.
Now to be honest, he’s probably not consciously thinking about this “ow, let me string this woman along and make her love life miserable.” The mixed signals are just a result of him only wanting to be friends with benefits.
Number 3. The weird reason why men can send mixed signals while dating or in a “relationship”. He wants the girlfriend experience. This is a tricky one. This guy will behave like your boyfriend. He will allow YOU to behave like a girlfriend. You can send him sweet texts, you can do whatever you want. He will be responsive, he will ask you out on dates. All will seem well. But your gut is still going to feel that something is wrong. A man can send you mixed signals even when he likes you a lot. So here, when he wants the girlfriend experience, he loves to kiss you, date you, be with you (and not just in the bedroom), he loves talking to you, walking hand in hand, going on vacation, meeting your friends possibly even your family… so it’s much more than friends with benefits. It will feel like and look like a relationship. But at the same time he has one or more reasons why he doesn’t have long-term committed plans with you. He just wants the experience of having a girlfriend because that feels super awesome, but this guy isn’t willing to pay the price of a relationship. Try to remember this one: he acts like a boyfriend, but isn’t willing to pay the price of a relationship. Remember this, because I personally think this type of guy is the most dangerous one. He’s harder to spot. So how CAN you spot this type of man? Well in this case his signals will mostly be mixed when you try to talk about the future or commitment. That’s when he will look like he’s about to get hit by a slow driving bus. He will step out of the way, he will avoid the topic.
This is the guy that sends mixed signals by telling you: “why would this relationship have to go anywhere, I’m happy with where we are now, let’s just enjoy this.” Even though you may have been with him for months, you will be stuck in relationship limbo with this guy.
Number 4: If it’s a friendly and flirty guy you talk to, but yet he never asks you out, so he’s sending mixed signals that way, then it’s possible that he has a flirty and very charming personality. In other words, he does it with everyone. The lady at the security checks in the airport, the 90-year-old granny waiting for a doctor’s appointment sitting next to him. He’s just flirty with everyone but to you it can feel like mixed signals if you’re interested in him. However, let’s bottom line all of this quickly: true mixed signals do not exist in relationships. He’s either going for you, or he isn’t. If it doesn’t feel like he’s going for you because his actions are proving it, then it’s time to move on. When you do, he either gets his act together and will treat you well, or he doesn’t. And then you did the right thing by moving on in both scenarios. Any romantic relationship is only worth your time when your boyfriend would consider it a major loss if you would leave him because there’s nowhere he would rather be, than to be with you. If he truly likes you, this is a no brainer to him. However, sometimes you need to help him see it of course.
There you go! I hope you appreciated these insights. Let me know what you think. If you want more AHA moments and help with more complex situations, find me on briannox.com or read or listen to one of my books on Amazon, just type in my pen name Brian Nox over there. I’ll put links to everything in the description underneath this video. See you in another video!