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If you’re like, well most people, you will appreciate it when people treat you with respect and don’t try to walk all over you. Now there’s a place where disrespectful behavior can hurt the most and that’s in our love life. Now the funny thing is that, in our love life, we sometimes cause disrespectful behavior. We do and I’ll explain why in a minute. Our love life is often the hardest place to command respect. We may try it but we may do it in the wrong way. Often because we have feelings for the other person.

When we have a lot of feelings for someone, we may become too nice to them. Not just kind, but TOO NICE! We try to please them, we fight for their attention, we try to get them to like us more, we invest way more into the relationship than they do, we don’t prioritize ourselves and our own needs. And when we do that, we lose our self-respect, and our attractiveness disappears. Completely. So let’s talk about getting the respect you deserve from him, even when you’re full of butterflies and when you’re very attracted to a man.

My name is Geert, I’m an author, I also use the pen name Brian Nox and you wouldn’t believe how many emails I’ve gotten over the years from women who were not treated with respect by the man they had fallen for, while they had no idea what to do about it. They tried things like getting mad, threatening to leave him, but then of course sticking around anyway and other things that are about as useful as trying to melt ice, by putting it in the freezer.

If you want to command respect, whether that’s when you’re dating a man or when you’re in a relationship with one, rule number one is that you cannot make a cat bark like a dog. Meaning, I see some women try to change a man into someone he’s not. A man that’s disrespectful in general cannot be turned into a respectful one. That’s why I always say: look at how he treats other people. If a guy is disrespectful to other people, he’s probably not a catch romantically. He may be very attractive, often to women who like bad boys, but he will take them on one big never ending emotional rollercoaster during their relationship. And the only one who will have fun, will he him!

Now in general if you want a man you like to respect you in a relationship or while you’re dating, rule number two is to link the attention you give him to how he treats you, not to your feelings for him: Let’s say a woman has a date planned with a guy at 7 PM. She’s on time. He’s not there. 7:30 – He’s still not there. Now this is obviously very disrespectful. But not because he’s late! More on that in a minute. Now what is she supposed to do here? She can send him a text asking for his estimated time of arrival? “are you on your way?”, she could send him an angry text message. But those are all bad choices that will not command respect. Plus, she’s still giving him attention!

She could leave without sending him anything, which is the right thing to do here. And again, not because he’s late! Can you see what the true problem is here? People are not late without knowing that beforehand. This guy she had a romantic date with knew way before 7 PM that he wasn’t going to make it. At 10 past seven he was probably still playing video games or trying to find his keys between the old pizzaboxes on his table. Some probably still with some pizza in it.

He should have called her or texted her. He’s not treating her well and the relationship hasn’t even started yet! So, he doesn’t get her attention and she’s gone. If he’s a good guy and he couldn’t warn her because he was for example handing out soup to homeless people or playing volleyball on the beach without having a phone around and he really forgot about the time, then he will make it up to her. Which is exactly what Maverick for example did in the first Top Gun movie.

Don’t know if you ever saw top gun, the first one, but Maverick arrives late at the house of the woman he has a date with because of a volleyball game. She’s home, but she doesn’t open the door. Of course not, he’s late! This is a huge red flag! So Maverick has to go around her house to see if she’s still there. He has to put in an additional effort. He gets less attention from her. Always remember, when your attention doesn’t come cheap, when people have to be respectful in order to get it, those who like you will fight for your attention and will make it up to you if they’ve made a mistake.

Don’t give a second chance to someone who’s not trying to earn that chance. Rule number three: stay calm under pressure. It’s harder for people to respect us if we easily get angry OR if we easily become submissive. Both are bad. Let’s talk about submissive first. Many women know that if they pressure a man into a relationship, if they act needy, he will probably run right away while ghosting and ignoring them, or if he’s kind he’ll give the it’s not you it’s me speech. And then he will run. So, some women think they have the solution to fix this and even prevent this if they want a relationship with a man.

They become submissive. They know you shouldn’t pressure a guy so they wait at the sidelines, “Let me know when you’re ready for a relationship and if you’re not, I’m happy with this friends with benefits thing or to just keep dating, again no pressure, I’ll wait, I wouldn’t want to scare you away”. But then of course the moment comes where they can’t hide it anymore, they snap, pressure him, possibly get a bit angry or send him a strange text, and then wonder why he started to ignore them. Let me tell you!

First: if you tell a guy you’re interested in a relationship in any way you want, and he cannot handle that, then he’s not the guy for you. If a guy runs when you tell him you’re interested in a relationship, there’s nothing you could have done or said differently to change his mind. Being submissive and nice and waiting, just delays the inevitable. Him starting to ignore you. But the second issue IS being submissive. If you want to be treated with respect in a relationship, you cannot be submissive and that starts the very first date. Now you don’t have to become a dictator calling all the shots. But you DO need to know, very well, what your end game is. Where you want to arrive.

Perhaps it’s having a relationship. A real relationship. Well, make that clear to him as soon as possible and if he does things or says things that prove he’s not able to get you there, lower your attention and interest. And not because you’re playing games but because a guy who can’t get you to where you want, is not the right guy for you! By definition. If you want a relationship and he keeps saying things like: let’s take it slow, you know a relationship I just came out of one, I don’t know… bebye! And take the exit. You’re on the wrong highway going nowhere fast.

And if he IS the right guy for you, this is where he will get his act together and will start to prove it. So stay calm under pressure, keep your eye on your destination. If you’re hitchhiking and someone stops but they tell you they’re going in the wrong direction, it’s not a good idea to get into that car. And don’t get angry or mad either. I’m sure you’ve already seen this: a man or a woman that immediately gets angry or mad when someone does or says something they don’t like. That kills the mood and the attraction and people start to dislike them.

People, in general, have a hard time respecting reactive people that easily get upset or if they have to walk on eggshells around them. Know what you want, state what you want, and then move on from the men that prove day in and day out they cannot get you there. And if you do that, the right men for you will see your strength, your power, your decisiveness and they will respect you for it. Always remember: your core values and boundaries should always be more important than your will to please a man you have feelings for.

Rule number 4: stand your ground and do it soon! Sometimes you might be on a date with someone and they do something you don’t like, but you brush it off. You may think: “it’s not that bad, I won’t say anything, I don’t want to appear high maintenance”. First, so called high maintenance or difficult people will attract a lot more lovers than doormats or people who allow others to walk all over them. But the second problem is if you don’t stand your ground soon but you do it later on, for example when the relationship has finally started, your partner will be like: wow, what’s going on, you’re overreacting…

And you know what. From his perspective that’s what it truly feels like. You never said anything before and now all of a sudden bam. Where’s that coming from. But if, during the dating stage, you stand your ground, you say: this is my boundary, this behavior is not okay, this is the line in the sand. Without yelling or getting upset, it’s just a firm statement, you both learn an important lesson. Bad men won’t care and they will happily walk over your boundary. That’s when you take the exit, bebye. Good men will respect your boundary and will respect you for the way you showed it.

So as you can see it all revolves around self-respect and a good question to ask yourself often is: am I doing this to please him? Am I overcompensating? Am I trying to make up for his lack of effort? Am I doing this because I’m afraid of losing him? And then to change course when needed.

As always, if you want more, go to briannox.com or to Amazon where you can find all my books by typing Brian Nox in the search box. Thank you for sticking around until the very end of this video I LOVE IT when you do that. See you in another video.

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