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When you like a guy and there’s no physical and no emotional attraction: you can be best friends forever. That’s the not so awesome friend zone. Some people move there right away “Ah thank you for sharing your feelings, but I just see you as a friend” others arrive afterwards “It’s not you it’s me, but we can still be friends…” (great…thanks, as if I don’t have enough friends) If you add physical attraction into the mix, you can be friends with benefits…loads of benefits. Until he finds someone else. If you add emotional attraction to the mix, you can be passionately in love for the rest of your life. So if you want to be more than just friends with a guy, attraction will be needed. However, if you want more than benefits, the emotional attraction is very important.
If a man only feels physical attraction, the relationship will go nowhere. Because the bad news is that first, physical attraction is not enough, second, physical attraction never lasts. It gradually decreases. Science has proven this many times. It’s because the male mind is looking for novelty. In general. If you don’t believe me, have you ever seen a man go crazy because it’s Superbowl Sunday? Must be a very important game then. Well, have you ever seen that same man rewatch that game or any sports game… say 6 times with the SAME level of excitement? My point exactly. And not just men, novelty for example increases sexual desire for women too. But my point is, the raw physical attraction will decrease over time. However, when you start to blend in some emotional attraction, everything changes. Let’s see how to get that done in this video and let’s also see why it may be very important to NOT create too much physical attraction first.
My name is Geert, I’m an author and I also use the pen name Brian Nox, I write about relationships and dating for women, I also write about other topics, and I think it’s kinda funny how much time we can spend on creating physical attraction, when it’s not even the most important form of attraction. Some people shop for hours to find the right outfit, others go to the gym very often to be attractive. But then during the first couple of dates, they forget to put in the effort to flirt and tease and create that emotional attraction or they are in a relationship and forget to maintain it. So physical attraction is: I want to feel your lips. I want your body. I want to touch it, caress it, have sex with it… That, however, is not very special. If you’re a woman and you walk into any room filled with men, plenty of them will have thoughts like these. Even if you’re wearing a triple layered sweater and baggy pants and your hair looks like a dove created a nest in it. Emotional attraction, however, is a bit different.
That’s when he thinks: I want to get to know you. I want to know what you are all about. I also want you to like me, love me, compliment me, listen to me when I want to share something, I also want to share important moments with you, I want you by my side when I have something to celebrate, I want to help you when you are in trouble, I want to see you smile because you’re happy I’m home after a work trip, I want to see you smile because I make you happy, I want to be able to touch you, move you, make you proud to be with me….THAT, as you can see, is a little bit more difficult to achieve. That sexy dove nest just won’t cut it. There’s no magical formula, but let’s look at some of the ways to create emotional attraction AND some of the signs that the guy you’re with is having these thoughts.
Creating emotional attraction first and foremost requires him to value and respect you. So, as I explain in other videos, this is where your boundaries, using the word NO when needed, not being a pushover or a “nice girl”, not being needy, being a challenge and so on come in. If you are playful and you tease a man a bit (without putting him down, fragile ego), you create emotional attraction.
So that means and remember this: if you don’t want to be just friends, do not treat him as a friend! Flirt, play, tease, take the lead at times, go for what you want. For example, if you’ve been texting back and forth and he still doesn’t ask you out, say something like: “I think it’s time for you to ask me out”. If he doesn’t like you, he will now reject you. Good, because you were not looking for a friend. If he likes you, this now creates that emotional spark. It raises the stakes. It makes it exciting.
By the way, emotional attraction requires his brain to be fully active. That means do not create too much physical attraction first, do not be too sexy… because then his blood will have left the region. And sadly, I’m not kidding. As proven by science, and reality. Don’t be too sexy too soon. Unless you’re just looking for a one-night stand. I’ll show you some of the signs that he’s ready for your sexiness, in a minute.
Another great way to create emotional attraction is to DO something fun together. A lot of people go on normal dates, they go for a drink or go to a restaurant, and although just getting a drink can be great for a first date to test the waters, experiences are better. Simple things like playing mini golf, creating a bonfire on a beach with a bottle of Champaign, having to run because a thunderstorm arrives and so on. Experiences create a bond in many ways. You often see this in movies where a man and a woman go on an adventure and then fall in love. That happens for real as well.
Another way to create emotional attraction is to be very unapologetic about who you are. Even though everyone has insecurities, try to accept your imperfections and don’t hide them. Being unapologetic about our imperfections is a sign of strength and it makes us more attractive to the right person. So if you ever think: “I’m not … enough for him”, realize that that is just a self-limiting belief. That’s for the other person to decide, not us! Self-esteem creates emotional attraction. Most people love to be around non arrogant people with a lot of self-esteem. And a huge part of self esteem comes from accepting our flaws and being unapologetic about them. Let go of who you think you should be and be who you are.
Now some of this WILL sound like too much work to some people (you often see that in the comments). But why? Why would a great, loving and passionate relationship come as a free gift, no effort required? Everything that’s worth something requires at least some work. Just like you can’t have a great career without working hard for it, we can’t have a great relationship without hard work. And again, we are already putting in hard work for the physical attraction, the one that doesn’t last. Emotional attraction is worth the effort because it can endure. It lasts.
Okay, so how do you know it’s working then? When is he emotionally attracted to you? Well, it’s when he stays awake for more than 5 minutes after sex. Haha, just kidding. When he says “why have sex, let’s just talk about our feelings instead”. Haha, still kidding. Some real signs are: he’s texting you late at night and it’s not a booty call, so you have long conversations that last. When he’s asking questions and really wants to know you. Now here’s a not so obvious one: when he remembers important dates! If you have had an important interview or presentation today and you mentioned that a couple of days ago, and he asks how it went. Great sign. When he wants to fix problems for you. When you’re getting signs that he’s thinking about you often, for example when you send him something he’s very responsive and fuels the conversation, he doesn’t want it to end. When these things start to happen, be as sexy as you want.