There’s a major puzzle to solve when it comes to most men:
You’re interested in a guy and, good news: he seems interested too.
Until you tell or show him you’re interested too, that is. Then he’s gone.
What is it with these men?
A lot of women have also asked me: “how come guys I’m interested in don’t like me, yet all the guys who borderline stalk me are of no interest to me?”
Aha. Well, these two issues have the exact same cause.
First of all please put your thick skin on, because you’re about to have thoughts like “What? Me? No! I don’t do this!”
It’s okay to let a guy know you’re interested in him. It’s not okay to show him how much. At least not at first.
A lot of women I’ve coached and most of the women who read my books and reach out to me afterwards admit something to the tunes of:
“We had a great couple of dates, then I told him I liked him. He became somewhat distant. I ignored it but when I asked him out for a second date he was too busy to find time. When I asked him what was wrong he said: “I just want to be honest, I’m not looking for anything serious, I don’t want to hurt you” and then they disappear.”
If you ever had this happen to you, you may have noticed it’s easier to get the President on the phone than this guy! Not that you would want the president on the phone, I know.
And the truth is, these men say they are ‘honest’, but they are not! Some of these guys claim: “well I’m not ready for anything serious, especially not a relationship”, but then 4 months down the road they propose to another woman. I guess they were ready after all.
Men are always ready for a relationship!
Otherwise they wouldn’t have asked you out. If it was just for one night they wouldn’t have gone through all that hassle.
Even players get into relationships. But players deserve a different treatment, I’ll write about them in a future article.
However, let’s get back to the good men (not the players) who flake, who become distant.
They do so because a woman shows too much interest too soon.
And a lot of women fall into this trap.
“What? Me? No! I don’t do this!”
I told you so 😉
There are multiple ways to show you’re interested.
There’s the attractive way: “I like you, but don’t think you’re there yet”. Then there’s the I-need-some-space-way: “I like you. I’ve never met anyone like you before. When can we go out again”.
Can you see the difference?
Option 1 says: “I like you, but keeps the guy guessing. “Great, but how much? And what does it mean that you ‘like’ me? And where is it that we are not yet?” These questions raise his interest level.
Option 2 communicates: “I’ve been fishing in this pond since forever and I can’t believe you bit on my hook. Wow! I hope I never lose you. I will pretend I don’t care about marriage, but right beneath the surface it’s all I can think about. So seriously, are you available on July the 4th? Because that looks like a great day to get married and celebrate the end of your independence!”
I’m not exaggerating. I know there’s no woman who would actually say this, but this is what men hear! You have to cut men some slack, they don’t have a lot of processing power and have a hard time ‘getting’ women.
So what is it that you should then do besides make sure you pick option 1?
Well that’s exactly what I discuss on my weekly podcast. So make sure to jump aboard via the link below. It’s free! There’s no catch. I make the podcast for all of the women who read my books and I’d love to share some important insights about men with you too.PS. I hope you've liked this post. If you want discounts on my books, more empowerment strategies, podcasts and more, please sign up by clicking on the button below: