Here is the transcript of the video:
In this video we’ll dive into what to do when a man doesn’t see your true value.
When you’re dating a guy, when you’re in a relationship with a guy or when you’re married to a guy and he doesn’t see your value even though you’re good to him, even though you love him, it will hurt. A lot.
You have feelings for him, you may love him and when he doesn’t return that love as much as you’d like it will feel like a 1000 african killer bees that are stinging you directly in your heart. In other words, a slightly uncomfortable feeling. I know, I’ve obviously been there too, you should see the scars on my heart. It hurts. And we just don’t get it, we may get thoughts like “why o why don’t they see it? Why don’t they see my value or what I have to offer. What am I doing wrong?”
Ah, that was the good question. Because, get ready for the shocker: this is partially our fault! When we are dating someone or in a relationship with someone who doesn’t see our value, who takes us for granted ,it’s partially our fault. This is good news because it means we can fix this.
When we’re romantically involved with someone, we cannot control what they think, we can only partially control what they do (and we shouldn’t play with that too much), but we have FULL control over our own response.
So when we are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value us sufficiently, we need to decide what to do.
We can do nothing and that’s a decision. We can decide to say something about it to our lover, or we can decide to leave them. Easy.
But given that we are in love, it won’t be this easy. When someone we love treats us as less than we truly are, our mind will come up with excuses.
“I know deep down it’s a good person. Oh, it’s probably because… they got out of a difficult relationship, they’re having a tough time at work, their hamster is suffering from a depression and has stopped running around in his little wheel…so that’s why they”) The mind will come up with all kinds of excuses.
Why? Because that’s easy. When we believe any of these excuses, at least we don’t have to do anything about it. Everything can stay the way it is.
Yet, we HAVE TO do something about it. We have to bottom line it, whipe all of the excuses off the table and decide: am I being treated for what I’m worth?
Do you want to know why this is so crucial? It’s part of the problem. If we don’t think we’re worth it, why would they? This is why we are partially at fault.
So step one of the solution is we have to be convinced that we are high value. Because we are. There’s no doubt about this. Regardless of what your mind thinks, you are high value. There are thousands of people out there who would die to go out on a date with you, who would do anything to be able to wake up next to you, to caress you to be with you, so if you’re with a shmuck who can’t see that, that says a lot more about HIM than about you.
However, like I said, it’s partially our fault. If they don’t treat us with respect, then we cannot allow that to happen let alone to let it continue. This is when we get other mind games. We can get a lot of mind games. As you may know I don’t just help people with relationship issues, I help people with anxiety and panic attacks as well and those are just mind games too. Unnecessary anxiety, which you will suffer from in this case, is a mind game too. Our mind will be afraid that if we say something about it, we may lose that person.
So what? Why would we ever want to stay in a relationship with someone who isn’t absolutely positively sure of our high value? It’s not the right person then.
As soon as we feel that the person we are dating, or in a relationship with or even in a marriage with has lost track of our value, we have to act. Not tomorrow NOW. Right now. If they don’t respect us enough, they have a price to pay. Don’t worry, there’s no need to cut of any fingers, abduct their hamster or anything like that that won’t be necessary.
When we get behavior that is less than what we deserve, we jump into action. We always deserve someone who doesn’t ignore us, someone who values us, someone who loves us for us. If we have to play games, we’re with the wrong person. They can go mess up someone else’s life then.
So, the solution is we clearly state, kindly, that we want to be treated differently. “You seem to have me mistaken for someone who…” and that’s it. It’s not three strikes and you’re out, it’s one strike and you’re out. It’s is the only warning we give. One! If they do it again, then we start to ignore them. NOT so they would come back. We actually start to make other people and hobbies and activities more important than them.
And, if the guy you’re with truly is a great guy, then now he will start to fight for you. Again, this is not why we do it. We don’t play games! We make him less important because people who don’t see our value ARE less important. If he then EARNS you back, fine.
And this is why it’s ALWAYS okay to take that risk.
If you are with a guy and he doesn’t see your value. You take the risk of making him less important and he doesn’t fight for you. Good news! You dodged a bullit. Imagine how terrible that relationship would have been. For years you would have had to wonder: “why did he forget our anniversary, WHY did he not bring me flowers for my birthday, WHY did he forget the names of our children…again…” … you dodged all of this. If he is a good guy, then before you know it he’ll be over to wash your car, give you a foot massage, paint HIS bedroom pink because that’s your favorite color and more”. It’s a win win situation, obviously.
So, if you’re dating a guy or are in a relationship with a guy and your gut starts to tell you he’s undervaluing you or he doesn’t have sufficient amounts of respect for you, have the courage to do what’s needed. Because you’re worth it!
It’s scary, but never forget: everything we want is on the other side of fear.