If you found this interesting, then you’ll love my books, they’re here, on Amazon.
Join the women who are already following my “Empowerment Strategies” newsletter by clicking the button below.
Get Free Weekly Empowerment Strategies >>
When a man is using a woman in an obvious way, like when he keeps forgetting his wallet during the dates HE asked her out for. When he doesn’t want to stay the night because he got what he wanted and always has to “get up early in the morning”, which is a great reason to fall asleep right now and not drive home first but anyway, if a guy is blatantly using a woman, it’s easy for her to not continue to date him or to get out of the relationship.
Because some women think: No problem, I can see a user or a manipulator from a mile away, this won’t happen to me! And yes, if he’s for example a player it’s easy to spot, but there are other types of men that date women or are in a relationship with one and they seem interested while they have no plans whatsoever of making the woman they are with, happy. Ever. If it happens it’s by accident. “Oh you found the roses I bought, and you are happy with them, cool, well you’re welcome”, although I bought them for my grandma’s birthday tomorrow…”
They are only there to make themselves happy. Some guys use women under the radar, not in obvious ways and that can even be dangerous. It’s like when you put a frog in boiling water he will jump right out, but when you put him in cold water and then slowly turn up the heat, he will not leave. So I’ve heard, I would never hurt a frog. But some men use women in such a way that these women are not even aware of what’s happening until it’s too late.
If only they would know the not so obvious signs that a man is using them. Well why don’t we look at some of them in this video. My name is Geert, I’m an author I also use the pen name Brian Nox and the first way a man that is using you will show his true nature is that he will always invest the absolute minimum to still get what he wants from you. He will never do more than what’s needed. But he will put in efforts, so it’s sometimes easy to miss.
An example of this behavior is when you look at a text conversation between a man and his girlfriend, and his messages are always short, her messages are longer and there are just more of them. Even though he may text her first, he’s not investing in the conversation and he sometimes even forgets to reply. Instead of trying to feed the conversation he will try to end it. “ok gotta go now”, “ok good night, talk to you tomorrow”, at 4 PM.
That’s what a user does. If you look at the bottom line and you would add everything up, although he puts in an effort here and there, he will take more from the relationship than he puts in. Consistently. It’s always on his terms. If you want to see him or just want some attention from him, you will get what’s left over after all of his many other priorities got his attention first.
Sign number 2: Another user is the man that wants to play boyfriend and girlfriend, he wants all the benefits that come with a relationship, but he’s not willing to partake in the “negative” things that also come with a relationship, you know the ones where he has to put in an effort. Like listening to how your day went even when he’s tired, picking you up when your car breaks down “Euh isn’t that what your friends are for?” or soothing you when you feel bad. “What? You don’t need to feel bad about that! Let’s talk about MY problems now” When a guy loves you and is not using you, these things here are not even an effort to him. If he knows your car broke down and he cannot come over to pick you up, THAT will be an effort, not being able to help you will be hard.
When you talk to a good guy about your problems, he will or listen, or he will try to fix your problems. “well maybe you can try this, maybe you can do that”, and I know some women don’t appreciate this, but at least he will be trying. He wants you to feel better and if he really loves you, deep down he may think it’s his responsibility. I’ve said this in a lot of my other videos but when a man really loves you, genuinely, he wants to be your hero, your protector.
But when a man is using you, most of the things he will say will be about him, not about you, not about the relationship. Instead of asking how your day was, he will start by telling you how his day was. Every day, consistently. That remains important of course, we all take from time to time in a relationship, but a user, does it consistently. He doesn’t want to make his girlfriend feel better, her feelings won’t matter. It’s all about him.
Sign number 3: sometimes a man will play boyfriend and girlfriend, and in this case he will do the nice things a good boyfriend would do, but he doesn’t want to commit. He doesn’t want to label it as a relationship, he doesn’t want to make plans for the distant future. If you ask him: “where is this going?” He will get a spontaneous allergic rash. If that guy then doesn’t say: I’m just not ready for anything serious, for commitment, if he wants you to believe there is a future with his words, but his actions prove otherwise, then he’s using you. He’s not honest. A lot of guys are afraid of commitment, but good guys will be honest about it.
Sign number 4: Another GREAT and trustworthy sign that a man you’re dating or are in a relationship with is USING you is when he does things that he knows will upset you, while he doesn’t gain a lot from it. Let me explain this one a bit. If he knows you don’t like him watching his favorite sport on tv, if that upsets you for some reason, but it IS his favorite sport, then even a good guy might upset you because well that thing is really important to him, he might still watch that sport.
But the guy that is using you, will upset you even for things that are not important to him. He just doesn’t care about what you think. You find it important that he arrives on time, he’s always late. You would like him to stick to the speed limit when you’re a passenger in his car, he drives like a maniac. Because then he wants to be on time of course. Being nice and respectful to you would take a tiny effort in these situations, but he just doesn’t care enough.
Sign number 5: Another subtle but great sign to spot a user, he only gives compliments when he needs something in return. So every time he says or does something nice, there’s a catch, he’s trying to buy something with it. When a man loves you or even just likes you, he will give you genuine compliments. He will say things like: I think you’re a great mother, if you’re a single mom, I like being around you, you’ve really created a great life for yourself, things like that.
When he’s using you, he’ll say superficial things like: you look pretty today – 5 minutes later – hey do you mind if I go out with my friends tomorrow? And can I borrow your car? When he gives attention, compliments, gifts, whatever he knows you like, it’s still so he can then take something from you. It’s manipulation, it’s always part of a strategy, it’s not genuine.
Sign number 6: Another great subtle sign that a man is using you, is how he talks about the future. When a man really loves a woman and wants to commit, it doesn’t matter how far into the future he looks, she will always be in it. So even though he’s only 30 he may say: and when we are older, maybe we can buy a house close to a lake somewhere. A user will not do that. He doesn’t know who he will be with 30 years from now, or even 30 days from now. He’s not committing.
And so when a man uses a woman, he will gives subtle hints that he’s using her when talking about the future. When a man and a woman have moved in together for a couple of months already, but when talking to friends the guy keeps calling it MY apartment and MY kitchen, instead of OUR apartment and OUR kitchen, he probably doesn’t see a future with her.
And that brings me to sign number 7: When a man is not using a woman, when he loves her and is committed to her, he will see her as his best friend. Make no mistake, most men cannot REALLY commit to a woman if they don’t see her as their best friend. They are a great team then. A user will do and say things that prove, she’s not his best friend. BEST being the keyword. If he places his friends above his girlfriend consistently, not a good sign.
If a man says to his long-term girlfriend on a Friday: Jake asked me to come to his BBQ tonight, so I’m going to go. What are your plans? Well then Jake clearly is a great friend, but his own girlfriend possibly isn’t. Otherwise he would say: Jake asked us to come to his BBQ tonight, do you want to go? Or do you want to stay in tonight? They’re a team.
Sign number 8: he’s not emotionally invested in the relationship. If a woman has been dating a man for more than 3 months and the physical part of whatever they have together (maybe it’s a relationship), the physical part is the dominant part. Everything they do together stays on the surface. He’s not interested in knowing what she is all about, he doesn’t spend significant amounts of time with her in one sitting, outside of the bedroom, so for example from Saturday morning until Sunday evening. Because then he gets bored. They don’t have long and interesting talks, then he’s probably using her.
See this is a simple one. When a man is not using his girlfriend, he can spend long amounts of time with her and they won’t get bored. And finally, sign number 9, there is another type or user. It’s the man that’s just looking for a nurse, for someone to love and heal him.
This can be the broken man with a broken heart or ego after a breakup or the man that just went through a really difficult period in his life. This guy will put in efforts, but still only to get what he wants and needs.
Which is for his girlfriend to fix him. For her to listen when he explains all of his problems. For her to help him make decisions. Should I do this or should I do that. He will also be fishing for compliments and love. The way to recognize this guy is that he’ll be emotional most of the time. He might not like to be alone, he will seem to be really into his girlfriend but at the same time he never talks about a future together because he knows it’s only temporary OR he’s not putting efforts into the relationship.
So this man will talk a lot about his emotions and feelings and he will love to be with his girlfriend, because he cannot be alone. But as soon as she needs something back, as soon as she wants to talk about something, as soon as SHE needs some support, he’ll say things like: sorry I don’t have the energy now or “let’s talk about that later”, he will love talking about himself, but when it’s about her, when SHE needs some love and help, he will prefer to watch his cactus grow than to support her in any way or form. Of course, he’s the patient and she is the nurse.
So I hope you will never meet a guy that has all 9 combined and I hope you found value in this video.