When a Man Sees You As Just An Option
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In this video I’ll talk about an interesting dating and relationship phenomenon that a lot of lovely women suffer from in their love life.
A great guy seems interested in you. He flirts with you, asks for your phone number, asks you out on a first date. You, obviously, feel great. Especially when that first date was fun.
Everything is absolutely awesome.
Until you tell him you’re interested in getting into a relationship with him. Then he’s gone. You have found the make-him-disappear switch. It’s a rather strange phenomenon, because you didn’t do anything wrong. You may call your best friend and say: “I don’t get it. Everything was going so well. What should I do?”
A lot of women tell me:
“We had a great COUPLE of dates, then I told him I liked him and asked where this was going. He became somewhat distant. I ignored it at first but when I asked him out for another date he was too busy to find time.
Something about his goldfish hitting puberty and him having to stay home because of it.
SO when I asked him AGAIN what was wrong he said: ‘I just want to be honest, I’m not looking for anything serious, I don’t want to hurt you, you seem like a great girl and I’m sure you’ll make a man REALLY happy someday…’ and then he disappears as well.” She will clearly not be making HIM happy.
What is it with these men? Are ALL men immature? Are they just playing with women’s hearts so they can drag everyone down to relationship hell?
A lot of women have also discovered another weird dating and relationship phenomenon: they ask me: “how come guys I’m romantically interested in don’t like me, yet some guys I don’t want to have a relationship with borderline stalk me and don’t seem to give up? It’s as if I can do NOTHING wrong with them”
Aha. Well, all of these love-issues have two main causes.
1. Making someone a priority when they see us as just an option.
That’s just silly.
2. Men scare easily.
If a married woman wants to scare her husband, all she has to do is ask him if he remembers what day today is……
She’ll immediately see panic in his eyes as he’s trying to figure out whether it’s their anniversary, her birthday, her… something else he forgot all about.
If a woman is DATING a guy and SHE wants to scare him, all she has to do is PUSH him towards a relationship OR seem VERY interested when he isn’t at that level yet.
And a lot of people fall into this trap. Men obviously as well. When you go out with a guy who’s too eager to be with you too soon, like he sends you roses, sings songs beneath your bedroom window and writes poems …this happens… I bet you will eventually lose interest as well. It’s just a human reaction. It’s too much too soon.
Now listen closely. You CAN of course tell a guy you’re interested in him. But HOW you tell him is important because most men may interpret your message in a different way than you think.
There’s the attractive way to show interest: “I like you, I want to get to know you better”.
Then there’s the scaring-the other person-away-way:
“I like you. I’ve never met anyone like YOU before…. You complete me!” Told after the second date.
Can you feel the difference? 😉
Option 1 says: “I like you”, but keeps the guy guessing.
Option 2 communicates: “I’ve been looking for a man to love for such a long time. I really want a relationship, so, are you available? Seriously, are you available, say, July the 4th? Because that looks like a great day to get married forever and celebrate the end of your independence!”
This is exactly what some men hear when you go overboard too soon. When you overcompensate, when you make him too important.
So always give him time to discover your value.
And the very counter intuitive way to do that is by NEVER trying to prove your value! If you ever try to prove your value, to anyone, it will be perceived as low value.
Now the reason why men YOU are not interested in may keep flirting with you for a long time is because you represent a challenge to them. That’s why they don’t give up.
If you fall for a great guy and you don’t make him too important too soon, you’ll be that challenge to him as well.
This is not a game nor is it playing hard to get. He should always earn his importance. We shouldn’t give “importance” away for free. If we make someone a priority when they see us as just an option,…… because they don’t know us that well and are still getting to know us or because they’re just bad people…what does that say about us…and not to them, but to ourselves? It means we don’t think WE are important. That WE are not enough. No good comes from this.
Be a challenge. Because you are high value. And dump the guys who are too flaky. And all of these phenomena will not happen to you. But be prepared, because you may be getting a lot more roses, and poems and serenades beneath your bedroom window…
Whatever you do, don’t forget to always behave like the high value woman you truly are.