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Sometimes we think of men that use women as men that will deliberately play with a woman’s heart. And they exist. But a lot of them are like a Jumbo Jet. You can often hear them coming. However, there are other types of men that use women as a side-effect so to speak and those are sometimes men that, if you meet them, will look like good guys. If you have a date with one of them, that guy will be respectful and you’ll both have a great conversation. If your parents meet him, they might say he’s a keeper. Even your cat that doesn’t like anyone will love him.
He will look good on paper but he will hurt the heart of many women that cross his path. Why? You ask. Well we’ll talk about multiple reasons and types of “good” men that use women in this video, like the man that’s broken. A great example of a broken man is the guy that is truly attracted to a woman, but the more she starts to desire him, which is what he thought he wanted, the closer she gets, the more he’ll feel like he’s surrounded by hungry velociraptors. “okay I think it’s time to leave”
And this was just one example of a broken man, but in general there’s something wrong with a broken man, something he should work on, however, usually, you cannot see that on the surface and some of these men will probably try to hide it during the first couple of months of dating. “Me I love commitment, I’m so ready for a relationship…PS just not with anyone that is actually interested in me, because then I lose interest and run away”. Or they don’t even realize they have issues. But they will give away clues that I’ll talk about in this video.
Now some women that date these men will then think: deep down he’s a good guy, I can feel that, if I can just fix him, or, if I can just make him see that…dot dot dot…, or if I just love him enough then this will eventually be a great relationship. Yeah, well, THEY cannot fix him, he’s not a project, he will need to work on himself.
And there are women like this as well of course, women that mean well but that will still break the heart of many men they will meet, but since I make videos FOR women on this channel about men, let’s talk about “good“ men that use women and then also some more general signs that a man is using a woman. My name is Geert, I also use the pen name Brian Nox and I first want to talk about a special type of user and that’s the man that is “not ready for a relationship”.
So this man is not ready for a relationship but he still does the things that should lead to a relationship. Making the women he’s dating believe he’s relationship material. Now if he’s open about it, and he’s honest and while he’s dating you he communicates the dreaded phrase: “by the way, I’m not ready for a relationship”. Which is kinda like a member of the Olympic swimming team saying he’s not ready to get wet. Probably shouldn’t be around swimming pools then.
But anyway if he’s open about it, he might not be a real user then, but be careful, most men that say they are not ready for a relationship WILL BREAK YOUR HEART if you continue seeing them. So if a man ever says he doesn’t want a relationship and you do, please find another guy. If he’s not looking for a relationship, he shouldn’t be spending time doing romantic things with a woman who is.
Then, let’s go back to the emotionally broken good man. The problem with this type of man is that he often means well! He’s not trying to hurt the women he’s dating or has a relationship with. He just does. It’s a side-effect because he has issues he should work on and hopefully he is doing that.
A good example is the man that is still traumatized by something that happened in his past. And I’m not talking about the nights he thought there was a monster in his closet as a kid, but real things that scarred him. And because of those scars he has mood swings bigger than the Eiffel tower. He goes from up to down to back up like a bungee jumper, from being affectionate to ignoring the woman he’s with, from showing interest to disappearing for days, from being kind to starting a fight. And the women on the other end will be thinking what just happened? By the way, he may think the same thing and not understand where these strong emotions are coming from.
Although he’s not deliberately using women, the women he dates will often feel used. Now let’s be honest, a lot of people have issues and have good and bad days, nobody is or feels perfect all the time. But here, his behavior will not make any sense. And that’s the first clue of any man that uses a woman. Whether he has bad or even good intentions, his behavior doesn’t make ANY sense. A user confuses the women he’s with most of the time. A really good guy without big issues will for example be consistent when you’re dating him. He may be mysterious, but there won’t be any confusion and that’s a big difference.
With a good guy, you might wonder whether he likes you or not because he hasn’t told you yet or because you haven’t kissed yet, which is normal. Confusion is when he sleeps with you one day, then totally avoids you the next. When he tells you he really likes you and that you’re special, but then he’s flirting with other women at the same time that he believes are very special as well. That’s obviously a user. So a user will confuse you, that’s a big sign.
Here’s another great sign a man may be using a woman: he’s reassuring her a lot, but she feels unreassured and in this case it’s not because she has trust-issues, it’s because his behaviors are showing one red flag after another. And when she mentions them he always has the perfect explanation. And at first sight his excuses may even make sense. But the sign here is it just keeps happening. Red flag, reassuring explanation.
What? Your friend saw me flirting with another woman? No no don’t worry, I’m flirty with everyone, and I don’t like anyone as much as I like you! You’re my favorite! Two weeks later. What, another friend saw me with that woman, while holding hands this time? Yeah I know, that woman really likes me so I just had drinks with her to explain I’m not into her and she was so shocked by it I had to hold her hand the entire time…Yep, makes a lot of sense…And I exaggerated a bit but I think you get the point.
And by the way, another great sign that you are dealing with a man that is using you, is when your own mental health starts to decline because of your interactions with him. Because of the relationship you have with him.
Now this was a bad man, but another interesting type of a potentially good man that may use women is the man with a strong avoidant attachment style. If that is because someone important let him down in the past, usually when he was still very young, he may not allow anyone to get close. The closer you get, the more he will freak out. Now this type of man, and that’s interesting, will often go for impossible love. So he goes for unavailable women or for women that don’t treat him well (because that often feels familiar to him), and when a woman does treat him well: it just won’t feel right, he won’t trust it because it’s unfamiliar to him.
Now the difficult thing here is that it’s not because he’s not interested in the woman he’s dating. As soon as his avoidant emotions subside, he will reach out again. And then the cycle just continues. So this is a typical example of a man that should get help to work on this. Now what if you fall for a guy like this, for a broken man in general? If you only like the man he could become, that’s not a good thing. If the man he currently is makes you happy, then you could be fine. You’re never there to fix him.
Now a dangerous “good” man that will use women is the emotionally childish man. He’s probably playful, very flirty, brings a fun energy, you might feel good around him because of this but as soon as things get serious, the cracks will start to appear. For example: just like a child, when something happens it’s never his fault. He will blame other people. Not just that, but he’s always the victim. Things happen to him all the time, he doesn’t have any ownership.
He also expects other people to help him, but when they need help, then he will find an excuse not to do it. Especially when they need emotional support. He doesn’t have the capacity of giving it. When you show emotions to him, he will stonewall you or tell you that you’re exaggerating.
The childish man may seem very interested and give you a lot of compliments and even affection, but it stays on the surface. He’s incapable of having deep conversations about feelings and emotions and things will not get serious with him. He also seems very confident, until you give him some constructive feedback. Then he will get as defensive as a goose that just laid an egg.
Now as we went over some of these guys you may have noticed that some are not looking for a girlfriend, they’re looking for a mother, or a nurse that can heal their wounds and so on. Now in my personal opinion, when a man is aware of his issues and he’s working on them then that’s a good sign. But if he’s still in denial, then you’re on thin ice with him. And it will probably melt, because it’s hot in Egypt, where the Nile is. Okay bad joke.
And there you go. I hope you found value in this video!